Cold Conversations
by SeptemberGirl84
Summary: Tag and Continuation for Season 5 Episode 6. Caitlin / Killer Frost POV.


Tag and Continuation for Season 5 Episode 6

* * *

"Hey stranger." Killer Frost's voice echoes inside Caitlin's mind, making the brunette smile. "Seems like we have a lot to catch up on."

Relief rushed through her as Caitlin moved to sit down. After months of not having Killer Frost in the back of her mind, it felt good to have her alter ego back. She could also feel echoes of relief from her other half. They had become so used to each other, but at the same time were two independent people. Resorting to communication through notes could only work fo so long. It was refreshing to actually have a conversation with the person who shared your body.

"I am so glad to hear your voice." Caitlin said in her mind, leaning her head back on the couch in Cisco's lab, closing her eyes. "It's been lonely without you."

Caitlin, with her eyes closed, could literally see into her own mind. Killer Frost stood before her in the outfit she had adopted when working with Team Flash. Her hair was longer now, and more silver than white. Her eyes were a clear blue, only lighting up when using her powers. She looked a little frayed around the edges, like she had been in a fight. There were scratches on her knuckles that were beginning to heal.

"I'm glad Vibe figured out a way to connect us." Frost waved her hand and two chairs appeared, manipulating the mind realm with ease. They sat down and got comfortable as Frost continued to speak.

"I threw everything I had at that damn mental shield, but nothing worked. I knew what DeVoe did to us, but I wasn't strong enough to break through from this side."

"I'm just glad we were able to find our dad and figure out what we are." Caitlin sighed. "It makes more sense now knowing that it wasn't Dark Matter that made us."

As Caitlin spoke, she could feel Killer Frost sifting through her memories of the past few months. She could feel the other persona scrutinizing the memories of who they are, trying to find clues to their past. It was unnerving, but comforting at the same time, knowing that she wouldn't have to re-hash everything.

"Our dad huh?" Frost tilted her head. "That would explain the flashes of memories I have from when we were younger. I was never strong enough to break through all the way, but there were times I would work my way up to the surface."

"Why were you buried for so long?" Caitlin wanted to know, curious as to her true identity.

"Your parents, but mostly your mother." Frost crossed her legs and leaned back in her chair, long hair sliding over her shoulder. "She found a neurologist who applied a type of brainwashing to set up the initial mental block. When you came face to face with our doppelganger on Earth-2, the block was damaged. Slowly I was able to come out of the shadows."

"Yeah, and make my life a living nightmare." Caitlin grumbled, watching Killer Frost's smirk fade. Internally Caitlin cringed, not wanting to cause her other half grief. It was so nice to be getting along with the other person in her body.

"About that, I am sorry." The cold woman apologized. "I was intoxicated at the thought of being free, to live my life. Since we share a mind and body, your emotions were mine as well."

"That's why you trusted Savitar." Caitlin surmised. "You knew I trusted Barry."

"Not just trust him, Caity. You love him."

Caitlin's heart stopped and her breath caught in her throat. Flashes of all the times she nearly caved whipped through her mind. All the times she wanted to confront Barry and tell him how she felt. All the times she would chicken out. Pain at seeing Barry and Iris together. Missing Ronnie and hoping that Barry would be able to heal the scars. Knowing there was nothing to do but bury her feelings and dreams deep. Numbness spreading through her she stumbled.

"What? I -"

"So that kiss with Hannibal Bates meant nothing?" Frost teased, tone warm. "Cause it sure didn't feel like nothing. In fact, it was the first time in a long time that we actually felt warm."

That was Barry for you, all warmth. Even in the darkest of times, he still radiated heat like the sun. Having speedster powers only enhanced it, making the air around him hum with heat and electricity. Even with Ronnie, the man she loved, she didn't experience the same reaction that she would have to Barry simply walking into the room. She was drawn to him like a moth to a flame, she knew she would get burned but was unable to stay away.

"He's got Iris and he's got Nora. Why would we even show up on his radar as more than a friend?" It left a bitter taste in her mouth, like old blood.

Caitlin honestly wanted to know Killer Frost's take on the situation with Barry. Things have been strained between them all recently, and Caitlin didn't know how to fix it. Her trip to the arctic with Barry and Cisco had felt like old times, before the rest of the 'team' decided to join them. The first year or two of Team Flash felt like a family, even when Joe came aboard it was still a warm, tight knit group. Over time as more people rotated in and out, the feeling of family simply gave way to the feeling of doing a job. The drive to help people was gone, it was now just something you did to pass the time.

"Oh ho, does the good doctor harbor some resentment towards her teammates?" Frost sounded positively giddy at the prospect that Caitlin could have negative emotions. She's always had them, but now Killer Frost is loosening her inhibitions, letting her true thoughts and feelings through.

"How are you able to read my thoughts?"

"I've had years of practice." Frost flicked a lock of hair over her shoulder. "That, and you're projecting quite loudly."

"Would I be able to do it given enough practice?" Caitlin wondered. It would be nice to know the other half of her psyche better without having to have a neural enhancer stuck to her head. To have someone to talk to that knew her better than she knew herself. At one time she'd hoped that it would have been Barry, but that reality has been erased.

"Possibly." The cold woman replied with a shrug. "But you're off topic. We're talking about your unrequited feelings for a certain scarlet speedster in your life."

Killer Frost was relentless. It was one of the things that she shared with Caitlin. When the geneticist put her mind to something, nothing would sway her from getting the job done. Even if it meant walking away from the offer Ronnie had made her so long ago. Part of Caitlin still wishes she would have taken his offer. Part of her wondered what kind of life they would have had, but she knew that no matter what, she'd always find her way back to S.T.A.R.

"I guess I'll always have these feelings for Barry, but unless I go to another Earth or something drastic happens, I can't see myself ever getting a happy ending."

It hurt to say those words, but it was true. Caitlin was always a practical child, but she did have a side of wistfulness to her. Stargazing at night with her dad, helping her mom with the safer experiments, wanting to change the world for the better. Developing a relationship with the fastest man she knew on this Earth. Finally finding a place where she belonged, a home to make for herself. At least with Killer Frost she felt like she was finally becoming the person she was meant to be.

"That's bullshit." Frost growled, cool air misting around her hands. Unperturbed the other woman crossed her arms across her chest and looked Caitlin dead in the eye. Her eyes flashed blue and white fire.

"Is there anyone else here that thinks it's just plain nasty that two people who are LEGALLY brother and sister got married? Not to mention the way Iris walks all over Barry? He just rolls over and takes it like a dog. At least Savitar had the balls to stand up for himself and call bullshit when he saw it."

"What was he like? I don't remember anything from that time when you were in control." Caitlin was curious. Even if it was an 'evil Barry', it was still Barry. Frost smirked wistfully,

"He was a god, literally. There was nothing he couldn't do. He was finally using the intelligence the original Barry Allen had but never harnessed. The speed force made everything about him faster, even his mind. His body wasn't too bad either." A soft sigh came from Frost. "It was all I could do to not to be all over him. He was all heat and power, and he let me have as much as I wanted."

"Were you intimate with him?" Caitlin was floored and incredibly jealous at the same time. She didn't remember ANY of that time. To think her body got to experience something that her mind didn't really depressed her. It had been years since she'd been intimate with anyone. Ever since Ronnie died really; she'd never felt quite comfortable with Hunter or Julian to let go that much.

"Yes, we were." Frost frowned. "I would share my memories with you, but I'm afraid it might hurt you even more. To know what it feels like to have him, yet you can never do it again." She stood and moved to kneel next to Caitlin.

"I loved him Caity, just like you love your Barry. I also knew that it would never last. He was a shadow of the real Flash, and eventually his time would be up. I just never dreamed it would be getting murdered by the one woman he was supposed to love."

"What?" Caitlin struggled to remember, but all she remembered was Cisco tossing her the vial and then seeing everyone at H.R.s funeral. "Iris killed Savitar?"

"She shot him in the back in cold blood." Frost nodded, a tear escaping her eye to freeze into a crystal. She wiped it away furiously. "You had awoken enough to influence me into saving your Barry, but I was still in the driver's seat. Barry was coming toward us and Cisco when Savitar got up. He was about to race towards us when Iris shot him in the back. He disintegrated back into the speed force after that."

"Oh my god." Caitlin felt the urge to hurl. Suddenly a bowl of ice was in front of her and she bent over it, dry heaving. Killer Frost watched in silence, stroking a hand over her hair, almost like a big sister would. Once done Caitlin looked up, tears in her eyes and rage in her stomach.

"She killed him? How did Barry and the others react to that?" Caitlin demanded.

"Like nothing happened." Frost growled. "They all hugged and celebrated while I slipped us away. The spell Savitar had over me was broken, but I knew that if we stayed, then they would try to 'fix' us. Once I knew we were safe, I let you take over, staying close enough to the surface to make sure that we stayed that way."

Caitlin's temper flared, her own eyes flashing blue flames. She was outraged. Iris was the world's biggest annoyance in her mind. Constantly pulling at Barry, distracting him. She was incredibly selfish, always needing to butt in and have a say, even when it was concerning a topic she didn't have the I.Q. to understand. She was used to being the center of attention; having been the popular girl in school. Thinking she was all that since her dad was a cop. Her kind of entitlement grated at Caitlin's nerves.

"Iris gets away with murder, yet I get heckled for wanting to try and figure out my powers? For being willing to kill DeVoe to make him stop?"

"Yes."

Caitlin was unable to sit still any longer. She got up and paced back and forth with Killer Frost looking on. Her mind was racing, but she did know one thing. She needed to remove the mental block DeVoe had created. She needed Killer Frost more than she realized. Caitlin was the compassionate doctor and medical genius, but Frost was her fiercely protective and powerful counterpart who didn't take crap off anyone.

"Caity, you should probably head back to the real world now." Frost broke though her thoughts. "You've been in here a while. While you're out there, try to figure out how to remove the block. I'll work at removing it from my side."

"Will you be ok?" Cold blue lips lifted into a self assured smile.

"Of course. Just take care of us and I'll be back before you know it."

* * *

When Caitlin opened her eyes, she was greeted with the sight of Cisco's lab. The lights were down low and someone, most likely Cisco, had thrown a warm blanket over her. Cisco. He was the only person she really could connect with anymore on Team Flash. Ever since Savitar things had been different, off. Before she would have chalked it up to coming back after having been gone so long. Now though, she had a clearer picture of what went on when she was gone.

"See you soon Killer Frost." Caitlin whispered to the silence, reaching up and tucking the neural enhancer in her pocket before standing and making her way out of the engineers lab. The building was quiet as she walked to the cortex, and she assumed everyone had left for the night. She liked the quiet times in the lab, it seemed to counter balance all the times when the team was gathered, making all sorts of noise. You can alway tell when Barry, and now Nora, were around. Their lightning would crackle and there would be a lingering smell of ozone in their wake.

"Hey Cisco." She called softly, not wanting to scare her friend. His head popped up and he swung around with a smile, Twizzler clenched between his teeth. Looking around Caitlin realized that he was the only one in the cortex. Who knew where Sherloque was hiding. Personally she was glad he wasn't there; the guy was a real ass that got on her nerves.

"So? How'd the enhancer work?" His dark eyes danced with excitement as she walked closer. "Did you get in touch with your chilly side?"

"Yes, I did." Caitlin smiled back, settling into a chair beside him. "We had a lot to talk about."

"Like what?"

"Savitar mostly." Caitlin saw Cisco stiffen and she continued. "I have no memories from that time, so I asked her to help me fill some things in."

"Yeah, I can see how a power hungry meta would keep you suppressed." Her best friend growled as he chomped down angrily on the candy in his hand. Caitlin figured he'd not yet forgiven Killer Frost for what she did in the timeline that they erased. Losing your hands and your powers were a real nightmare.

"I don't think she did it on purpose." Caitlin defended Frost, and felt a light brush of the woman's mind against her own. "She had been kept buried for so long by my parents that when she had the chance to be free, it went to her head."

"Sure, and while we're at it let's call Savitar just a misunderstood soul." Cisco ground out, frown on his face. In the back of her mind Caitlin could feel Killer Frost stir at that, ready to defend the man she came to know and love.

"If we're going to start doing that, then why don't we address the fact that Iris murdered Savitar? Hm? How about that?" Caitlin realized in the back of her mind that her temper was much shorter than normal, but couldn't be bothered by it right now.

"Who told you that?" Cisco went pale and shifted uncomfortably, looking guilty. Poor thing, he's always been a bad liar.

"Killer Frost did. She was still in control at the time. It's only after that she gave me control. You saw me at H.R.s funeral, but Frost was still close enough to the surface to keep me looking like her."

"I don't see how it matters, the speed force caught up with him and reassimilated him." Cisco brushed it aside like it was nothing. To Caitlin, it seemed like an odd reaction from her friend. This was the man who didn't even want to kill bugs. He was an honest man and usually had a good moral compass. She knew something must have happened when she was lost in Killer Frost's influence.

"It matters in the fact that our supposed 'team leader' and the other 'half of the flash' is a murderer." Caitlin growled, bile churning in her throat. She was a medical doctor, and it was ingrained her her to do no harm. Killing was a desperate last resort. Then another thought popped into her head.

"By the way, who died and made her queen? We've done just fine for years without her babbling dumbass orders at us."

Cisco by now had scooted his chair back and was staring at Caitlin like she had lost her mind. Around Cisco she'd always been more open and willing to share her thoughts, but right now she must be sharing too much. Her friend was looking at her like she was about to jump up and freeze him. Irritated she snapped,

"What?"

"Who are you and what have you done with Caitlin Snow?" He muttered, eyes big. "You look like Caitlin, but you sound like Killer Frost."

"I'm still me Cisco, but I'm more than the woman you knew." Caitlin struggled to explain herself when even she wasn't sure what was going on. "There are two parts to me now, and hopefully, given time, we'll come to a sort of understanding and figure out how to go about our lives as a single entity. Until then, I'm sure my colder side will make her appearance every now and then."

"What's it like having another person in your head?" Cisco nodded and moved onto a different topic. Which Caitlin was grateful for.

"It's almost like having a sister." She said slowly, mind searching for a way to explain it. "Someone wiser and protective, who only wants the best for me. There are no secrets between us. When we used the enhancer, we could actually see each others thoughts. I am her and she is me, but I'm not sure I can ever really put it into words."

"So now that you're using the enhancer, do you think there will be side effects?"

"How so?"

"Like just now, you sounded more like Frost and less like the Caitlin I know and love." Cisco rolled back to his place beside her. "It was scary, but also kinda cool."

He was grinning when he said it, so Caitlin hoped that he was ok with Frost's personality coming through more and more. It was nice to have the audacity to not give a flying rip what people think of you. Caitlin was enjoying having that part of her personality be on display more.

"I'm not sure, but I wouldn't be surprised since we share the same body, mind and emotions. Theoretically one day our personalities could even merge, creating a new identity."

"So, like, one day you'll wake up and be Caitlin Frost instead of Snow?" Cisco mused. "'Cause that could be awesome. Your brain power and genius paired up with her powers. Dope."

"I'm glad you think so." Caitlin yawned. It was draining fighting your father and talking to your alter ego all in one day. "I'm going home. See you in the morning."

* * *

Over the next few days Caitlin and Killer Frost learned how to communicate without tech. It was almost effortless now. They were both aware any time the other one was in drive. It was like walking side by side with your shadow, a shadow that was completely aware and liked to give silent commentary to the daily life around them. Killer Frost had a dry humor and a sharp tongue that could cut to the heart of anything; she didn't take BS off anyone and didn't coddle anyone. She was the hard exterior that Caitlin needed to guard her already damaged heart and psyche. In return Killer Frost was learning how to relax and enjoy being able to come and go as she pleased.

At first Caitlin didn't notice the changes, but Cisco did and made sure to tell her one afternoon.

"You know, I can tell who's in charge without seeing your face."

"Really?" Both parts of Caitlin Snow replied. "How are we changing?" Caitlin continued.

"That, right there. I could tell you were both talking by the echo in your voice." The man replied nibbling on another Twizzler. "It's not as strong as when Frost is in complete control, but I can tell that she's close to the surface."

"I never noticed before." Caitlin rubbed her forehead with a sigh. "Do you think the others have noticed?"

Caitlin didn't want to get into the process of explaining to the team what was going on until she really knew what was going on as well. She continued to run tests on her blood and DNA, monitoring the changes that were taking place. Luckily, since Barry was distracted with his family, it made it easier for Caitlin and Frost to fly under the radar. Killer Frost helped out when he was needed for missions, but for the most part she kept to herself. They knew things would eventually come out, but she wanted to do it in her own time.

"No." Cisco shook his head sadly. "You and I are really all that's left of the OG Team Flash. Ever since Barry married Iris and Nora popped up, he's hardly here. When he is, he seems distracted."

"Having your wife as your boss and having to train your teenage daughter from the future must be hard on him." Even now, she was still excusing away Barry's bad manners.

"I call bullshit again." Killer Frost took over, eyes turning electric blue. Cisco merely raised an eyebrow. "He's more than capable of handling all of this, unless he hasn't learned how to tap into the power of his brain. He's more intelligent than he appears, yet he lets little miss 'I wanna be the boss' Iris walk all over him, and in turn all of us."

Cisco let out a low whistle and shrugged.

"He is the de facto leader, and it's not our place to judge him." Cisco was baiting Killer Frost and Caitlin knew it. Caitlin wondered how this was going to play out. She drifted further back in their mind, and let Frost have full control. The change was immediate. The room dropped in temp a few degrees and Caitlin sat up straighter in her chair.

"So we are supposed to sit back and let the one woman who doesn't have a degree in anything scientific call the shots? How much of our conversations does she really understand? How many times have you had to translate what you've said to her so she can boss you around?"

Damn, Frost was on a roll and Caitlin was actually enjoying it. Out of the corner of her eye she realized that her hair hadn't turned white. Caitlin filed that information away for later. Cisco was sitting there gobsmacked and nodding his head at everything Killer Frost was saying.

"How long have you done this job Cisco? How many days and years were you the engineer who helped Barry in the field? Who helped design all the tech we have here? You. Not Iris, not Nora and certainly not Barry. You and Caitlin have done all the background work to make it possible for Barry to be Barry. The way I see it, one of you are more qualified to be our leader than her."

Cisco leaned back in his chair with a surprised look on his face. Silence filled the air, but it wasn't tense. It was more thoughtful than anything else. Caitlin drifted back the the front of her mind and asked after a while,

"Are you ok Cisco?"

"How much of that was Killer Frost and how much of that was you?" He asked instead and Caitlin could see the wheels turning in his head. "'Cause from where I'm sitting, it's like the two of you are actually merging. You are more outspoken about your opinions and Frost seems more mellow. Also, your eyes may flash blue, but your skin and hair remain warm when she's talking. The only time you change is when you use your powers."

"We are slowly merging." Killer Frost said in Caitlin's mind. "The more we communicate, the more the line between us blurs. Honestly, that used to scare me. Now though, I think it's a good thing. You'll have my powers and strength, but your brains and heart."

"I think we are beginning to merge." Caitlin spoke slowly, mind spinning as Killer Frost steps back to let her have control again. "It's hard to explain, but it feels right, like I'm becoming who I'm really supposed to be."

"Don't let Barry hear you talk like that." Cisco warned, pointing at her with his half eaten twizzler. "He already feels bad enough about not helping you last two years. I'm not sure how well he would take it that you are becoming colder."

"I honestly don't care how he feels about it Cisco." Caitlin spoke coldly, Killer Frost having given her the ability to speak her mind without inhibition. "He got his happy ever after. He's the only one of us to get it. You and I have been given a raw deal; YOU are the only one whose opinion matters."

"You can't mean that Caitlin." Cisco rebounded, voice troubled. "I know you love Barry and have since nearly day one."

Ouch, and here she thought she was doing a good job at hiding her feelings.

"That may be true, but I've decided to move on." She shook her head. "Love isn't in the cards for me anymore. I have Killer Frost and I have you; that will have to be enough."

Inside though, her already broken heart shattered a little more. Killer Frost began picking up the pieces and putting them back together, fingers becoming stained with their blood. Caitlin knew that she would have to tell Barry what was going on with her, but she decided to wait after the first of the year. In the meantime she would act as if nothing was happening. Under the surface though, the quiet was changing, becoming more like a howling wind.

* * *

"So let me get this right; Caitlin and Killer Frost are becoming one entity?" Sherloque asked Cisco as the three of them sat in the lounge of S.T.A.R. Labs after another mission. The West-Allens were off doing their own thing, which suited Caitlin just fine.

"Yes, were slowly merging into one. Her personality is bleeding into mine, and her powers are beginning to linger after she relinquishes control back to me. I'm slowly assimilating her into my psyche." Caitlin replied.

"And how does your alter ego feel about that?"

"Uncertain, but confident in the fact it's something that should have happened a long time ago. Maybe in the original timeline I never had the marker for ALS, but once Barry created Flashpoint, that reality was erased."

"That was after the day he stopped the tsunami, so even then we were already in a different timeline. I've honestly lost count of which timeline we are in now. Seems like every year or so he has to go screw with the timeline. Who knows what would have happened in that first timeline though. Maybe Dante would still be alive." Cisco interjected and Caitlin nodded, reaching out to place a hand on her friend's shoulder.

"Was this the timeline where you were in love with the Flash?" Sherloque spoke quietly, like he knew a big secret. Caitlin cringed and gave Cisco puppy eyes.

"I didn't tell him!" Cisco defended. "If anyone has half a brain they would be able to read it all over your face."

"She's been in love with him in every timeline we've been in." Vibe replied for her. "But in every timeline, Barry is all about Iris. I guess some things you just can't change."

"Ok, why are we talking about Caity's love life?" Frost asked taking over, sick of the gossip about her favorite person. "It's like I'm trapped in a soap opera and there's no way out. Yes, we love that idiot Barry Allen. Now can we please move on?"

"Ok Frosty, we'll drop it." Cisco held up his now healed hands in surrender.

"Good." Frost growled as they stood and left the two of them to their ruminations. They couldn't believe how they were digging into her heart. Didn't she have enough to deal with being on the same team as them and having to work with them every day? Sometimes it was enough to make Caitlin and Killer Frost wish that they had never come back.

* * *

A few more weeks went by and Caitlin was able to fly under the radar, not drawing attention to her changing personality too much. Things changed though when on one mission Nora pushed herself too hard and was burning herself out. Barry came speeding into the cortex with his daughter in his arms shouting for Caitlin. Immediately Caitlin was there, laying her cool hand on Nora's forehead. The poor girl was burning up.

"Put her on the floor, there's no time to get her to the med lab. Her metabolic rate is through the roof and her temperature is spiking." Caitlin told them as she examined Nora on the floor, not having the time to lift her onto a table. "I have to cool her off. Give me some room."

Everyone stepped back as Caitlin knelt beside the young speedster. With a deep breath she called upon her Frost powers, Killer Frost whispering in the back of her mind.

"Go slow and easy, otherwise you'll burn her." The other woman said. "I know you're a doctor, but you've never had this much power at your fingertips. If you aren't careful you could hurt her worse."

Concentrating Caitlin hovered her hands above Nora's chest and head. Cool mist formed from her hands and drifted over her, an icy cloud forming around them. Gently Caitlin pushed the coldness down into Nora, stilling her cells and forcing her body to relax. Slowly her body stopped vibrating and putting off heat. Her heart began to return to a normal pace for a speedster, and the doctor could feel her temperature cooling off. Shutting off her powers Caitlin let the cool fog dissipate, letting everyone see that Nora was fine.

With a sigh Caitlin sat back on her heels and looked up at the others. What she saw surprised her. While Cisco, Ralph and Sherloque looked relieved, Iris looked positively livid and Barry looked confused. In the past, Caitlin would be eager to hear what was on Barry's mind, but now she didn't really care. Her first priority was her patient, and that was Nora. Getting out her penlight, Caitlin began examining the young speedster.

"Thanks to Killer Frost, Nora should be fine after a good night's rest." Caitlin stood from her kneeling position. "I want to keep her here overnight for observation, but she should be fine in the morning."

"No lasting damage done?" Barry asked quietly, scooping Nora up. For some reason Iris looked even more irritable. Caitlin rolled her eyes, not even caring if the other woman saw her do it. She was fed up with trying to tiptoe around Iris's feelings. She could jump off a building for all she cared. Oh, wait; she did that already and got the attention from her daughter that she wanted.

"I can do a brain scan and X-Ray, but I think she will be fine." Caitlin moved to the med bay and pulled back the blanket and sheet from one of the beds. "Lay her here and I'll keep an eye on her tonight."

"Thanks Cait." Barry nodded before leaving the med bay, tone slightly off.

Tilting her head she watched the West-Allens leave the cortex, not able to hear what they were saying to each other. Something about how Iris didn't seem concerned about her daughters safety bugged her, and then the way Barry just left with her. It bothered her that they would just leave so easily like nothing happened. Yes, Nora was safe, but if she were Caitlin's daughter, she wouldn't leave her side until she woke up. Shaking her head Caitlin went about getting cot ready to sleep on. Cisco drifted in once Ralph and Sherloque left.

"I may not have my full Vibe powers, but I could definitely tell there were some bad vibes going on just a few minutes ago." Cisco settled into the chair beside Nora, tone quiet.

"I know." Caitlin said as she tucked the sheet around Nora, being gentle so she wouldn't wake her patient. "It's sad how they treat Nora. She's their daughter, yet it almost seems like they don't care."

"Maybe because she's from the future?" Cisco mulled. "Yes, it's one thing to know you have a daughter, but it's another thing to have raised her and developed a relationship with her."

"That could be. I know having a baby changes a couple, but it's more of a gradual thing you look forward to over the course of the pregnancy. Having Nora pop up out of the blue kinda bypassed all of that." Caitlin gently pulled the mask off the young woman's face and brushed her bangs out of her eyes.

"If she were mine, I'd move heaven and earth to make sure she was okay." Caitlin and Frost echoed together. They both lost that opportunity when Ronnie died. They would never know what it felt like to grow a child, to love that child, to help that child grow.

"Hey, things will work out." Cisco got up and gave her a one armed hug. "Nora is safe. She trusts you to take care of her; she always has apparently. It seems like in the future we are more family to her than Iris. Just remember that and know that you have me if you need anything."

Cisco then leaves her with Nora, going about the task of shutting things down for the night. Caitlin watched Nora sleep for some time before moving to her cot in the corner of the room. Maybe Cisco was right, maybe things will change in the future. Perhaps she'll meet a meta who she can share a life with. One she won't have to fear hurting because of her powers. In the back of her mind Killer Frost snorted.

"You know as well as I do we never get a happy ending. It just isn't in the cards for us, no matter what Earth or timeline we travel to."

"I know, but I can't stop wishing for something more."

"I know Caity, believe me, I know."

* * *

Sometime during the night Caitlin fell asleep, because when she woke up she knew she wasn't alone. Killer Frost stirred as well, feeling electricity buzzing in the air. That meant there was a speedster in the room, other than Nora. Both of them inhaled deeply, recognizing the scent. Barry. They both could find him in a crowded room blindfolded.

Opening her eyes Caitlin saw Barry napping in the chair beside Nora, head propped up on one arm. It was the first time in a while that she had been able to observe him while he was sleeping, and what she saw troubled her. Barry was always thin, but now he looked gaunt. There were circles under his eyes and more frown lines around his mouth. He looked like he had gone a few rounds with Grodd. The doctor in her immediately wanted to jump up and take care of him, but the woman in her knew that unless something was drastically wrong, it wasn't her place to take care of him anymore. It was his wife's job, and looking at Barry now, she wondered how well of a job the woman was doing. Time to stir the pot a little.

"Barry." Caitlin whispered as she placed her hand on Barry's shoulder, trying to wake him without bothering Nora. She felt the muscles under her hand shift as Barry woke up. Heat radiated off of him in waves, and Killer Frost purred in the back of her mind. It took everything she had to not pull heat from him and into her.

"Hey Caitlin, how's Nora doing?" His voice was rough from sleep. Stepping away from him she moved to the other side of Nora's bed, placing herself out of temptation.

"Resting well. She should be waking up any time and I'll know more then." Caitlin decided to keep things cool and professional between them. It was just another way to protect herself from Barry.

"So how long now have you been able to use your powers without turning into Killer Frost?"

Caitlin sighed. "Here we go." Frost echoed in her head.

"A few weeks now. It started a few days after we began using the dampener to talk. It broke the mental barrier between Killer Frost and me. We've been able to talk ever since."

"I thought you needed to give up control for her to come to the surface." Barry wrinkled his forehead at her, voice sounding stronger now that he was awake.

"Not anymore." Caitlin started unhooking the wires from the electrodes on Nora's arm, needing something to do so she wouldn't have to look at Barry.

"We think that the more we communicate and use our powers, the more our psyches will integrate, making us one person instead of two." She hung up the wires and made sure everything was placed neatly before turning. Barry was looking at her with concern in his ocean colored eyes, frown on his face.

"Eventually we will merge, and we'll become Caitlin Frost." Caitlin switched the machines off as Nora shifted on the bed, slowly waking up. "When that does, I'll have full control of all our powers. I'll have all our meta abilities, plus my training and experience. Part of Frost's personality has begun to bleed into mine as well."

"I've been meaning to talk to you about all of this, but I just haven't -"

"Barry?" Iris's voice echoed through the cortex.

"Perfect timing little miss witch." Frost whispered in Caitlin's mind, and she had to quickly suppress a grin.

"In here!" Barry called after having moved to the doorway of the room Nora was in. Iris came stalking through the doors of the cortex, storming over to Barry. Caitlin drifted back to stand beside Nora as the other woman shifted again.

"I woke up this morning and you were gone." Iris accused, not lowering her voice at all. Nora opened her eyes and looked around, making Caitlin bend over and examine her.

"What's happening?" Nora whispered as Iris continued in a loud tone to Barry, complaining about something.

"Don't worry about them Nora, just focus on me. I want to make sure you don't have any lasting effects from your near burnout." Caitlin shushed, gently pulling the electrodes off her arm.

"Can you tell them to stop? They are making my head hurt." Nora muttered. Nodding Caitlin moved to the door of the med bay, Barry and Iris having moved into the center of the cortex. Gently she shut the door before letting Killer Frost loose.

"Excuse me!" The cold meta took over, and Caitlin watched as the two people whirled to face her as she stalked over to them. Barry looked sheepish and Iris looked cocky.

"If the two of you are going to fight, do it elsewhere." Frost was beyond pissed, hands icing over, eyes glowing blue.

"The two of you just woke Nora up with all your bickering. She is still recovering, but you wouldn't know because you don't have the common courtesy of checking on your DAUGHTER before ripping into each other."

"Caitlin, it's not - " Barry began.

"Caity isn't in control right now Flash, she let me have the wheel since she's upset with the both of you for disturbing her patient." Frost crossed her arms and stared the two of them down. "Until we fully merge, you're gonna have to deal with me, and right now I want you both to either shut up and put up or leave."

"How dare you!" Iris hissed and Barry grabbed her arm before she could do something stupid.

"Trust me, I dare much more than that Iris." Frost growled right back. Caitlin was enjoying this, glad to have Frost on her side. "Your daughter nearly died last night, but did you even think about checking on her to make sure she was ok before you left?"

"No, Caitlin said she was fine."

"How dumb can you get?" Frost whispered to Caitlin before returning to the surface.

"So you don't care about making sure Nora was comfortable? You didn't want to at least attempt to show any feelings towards her? At least Barry was here first thing in the morning, waiting for her to wake up. Some mother you are." Frost was on a roll.

"You don't get to have any say over how I treat my daughter Killer Frost. You aren't even a real person!"

"Iris!" Barry scolded, but it was Caitlin's turn to dig her nails into Iris.

"Killer Frost has a point." Caitlin took over as Frost felt quite smug at tearing into the two of them. "Even though Nora was stable, something could have happened to her in the middle of the night. If I was her, I would have wanted my parents to be here and be the first people I saw when I woke up. Instead she saw me and asked me to make you stop. She doesn't want to hear your bickering at each other. Honestly, I don't think she wants to see either of you right now."

"I'm her mother, of course she wants to see me." Iris pushed her way past Barry and headed towards the med bay, but Caitlin moved to in front of her. "Get out of my way Caitlin."

"No Iris." The doctor shook her head. "You aren't allowed in my lab without permission. If Nora wants to see you, then you can come in. If not, you will respect her wishes."

"Or what, you'll sic Killer Frost on me?" Barry was shaking his head but refused to interfere. It just made Caitlin even more disappointed in him.

"No. You'll have to deal with me." Caitlin stood firm. "You may be Nora's mother, but I am her doctor. I want her to heal and if having you in her room makes that difficult, I will kick you out. Frost or no Frost."

Barry and Iris looked at her, speechless. Seems like Killer Frost was rubbing off on her more than she knew. With a small grin she continued,

"Now, let me ask Nora if she feels up to it to have company."

* * *

In the end, Nora did want to see her parents. Caitlin allowed them in and moved to the cortex, keeping the door open in case they needed her. To keep her mind occupied she pulled up the tests she ran on Nora the night before, going over everything with a critical eye, making sure there wasn't anything she missed. She was so lost in the data she didn't hear Barry walk up to her.

"You know, the two of you were kinda hard on Iris." His tone sounded guarded, making Caitlin look up from her screen. She cocked an eyebrow and waited for him to continue.

"You have to understand what it was like for her, growing up without a mom -"

"Please Barry. She is not the only one here who has had a rough childhood. You know that. I thought my dad was dead for years and my mother ignored me my whole life. Your mother was murdered and your dad was in Iron Heights for it. Cisco was always overshadowed by Dante." Caitlin shrugged.

"We've all been dealt a sucky hand, but we've overcome that. That is no excuse for Iris to act like her daughter doesn't exist. There was a chance Nora could have died last night, yet neither one of you stayed to make sure she would me it through the night."

Caitlin knew it was like kicking a puppy and beating a dead horse, but she refused to be silent.

"Honestly, I'm mostly disappointed in you Barry." Barry cringed, and looked like he was about to apologize, but she spoke over him. "She has your powers and they are new to her. Yes you were here first thing this morning, but you are going to have to reassure your daughter that she is safe using her powers. I can tell her that all day long, but until she hears it from you, she won't believe it."

"Will you please stop tearing into Barry?" Iris asked coming over to them. "You just seem to be in a foul mood this morning."

"I am merely trying to get across how serious this situation is. If it weren't for our powers, Nora could be dead right now. They two of you didn't even stay to make sure she was okay last night. I am disappointed in you. Nora is new to this life, new to her powers. I want to protect her and make sure she learns how to use them safely."

"And you think we don't?" Barry asked, wrapping his arm around Iris' shoulders.

"I know you want to protect her, but at the same time your actions and tone suggest otherwise." Caitlin stood and moved past them.

"Consider the issue dropped. Go get breakfast and I'll see you at regular time for everyone to be here."

With that she turned and dismissed them, rejoining her patient.

* * *

True to her word, Caitlin dropped the subject. She made sure Nora was healed up before releasing her a few hours later. As the day continued, she made it a point to not be in the same room as Iris and Barry unless she had to. She spent most of it in her lab, cleaning, organizing and running tests. It was a quiet day, so none of them had to go out in the field.

"Can we talk?" Barry asked late that afternoon, hovering outside her lab. She looked over at him and waited for him to either come in or leave. She wasn't in the mood to grant favors.

"Silent treatment, ok." He cautiously stepped into her lab and sat down. "Iris sometimes still does that to me."

"I really don't care to hear about your relationship." Caitlin and Frost echoed before Caitlin continued. "What do you want Barry?"

"What's happened to you?" He asked. "You aren't the Caitlin I know."

"No, I'm not." Caitlin settled onto a stool across the lab from him, needing her space. "I havn't been her in years. In a way, Killer Frost was right. Caitlin is dead in the sense that I'll never be that person again."

"You said you were merging. Why? I thought you were afraid to become Killer Frost."

"I was, but now I realize I need her and she needs me. We're two parts to a whole. The more we merge the more I become who I'm supposed to be. Cisco is actually pretty excited and Sherloque guessed early on what was happening."

Barry slumped and asked quietly.

"Why didn't you tell me what was going on?"

Time for some hard truth, and this time it would all come from Caitlin.

"Because you don't care, not really."

"Of course I care, you are one of my best friends. I would do anything for you." Barry rolled his stool closer and Caitlin watched silently. "I'm here for you, I always have been."

"No Barry, you haven't." Caitlin shook her head sadly. "Ever since you created Flashpoint, I've been invisible. Even when I was struggling with my powers and desperately wanting your help, you didn't see. That abandonment led to my death and Killer Frost's birth."

"So you are blaming me?"

"Not anymore. Giving up was the best thing that happened to me really. It showed me who I could be without you. I was a god and I still am. I don't need anyone but myself. I chose to stay for Cisco, he's my family." Caitlin knew she was being harsh and hurtful, but she'd held these thoughts and feeling in for far too long.

"I'm your family too. Iris, Joe, we all are." Barry glanced at Iris, who stood talking with Nora before looking back at Caitlin.

"You were. Things change, people change, priorities change." Caitlin stood and pulled her lab coat off. "I know that, but it still hurts in the end to know that the only person who really cares about me is me doppleganger."

"I don't understand." Barry moved to reach out for her arm when Caitlin sent a shot of icy air at him, forcing him to back away.

"You can use your powers without Frost taking over?"

"I've been able to for weeks. I made sure that you never found out."

"Why?" Barry sounded pained by that. Good.

"Why should I let you know what's going on? It's not like you really care. There's also nothing you can do. Speed won't work to solve this problem. Go back to your little family and leave us to ourselves." Frost came forward, protecting Caitlin from her emotions that were swirling.

"I want to hear that from Caitlin, not you Killer Frost." Barry stood and challenged her.

"Sorry, Caity doesn't want to talk to you right now."

"What happens when you merge? Where will she hide then?" Now the speedster was getting angry, lightning flashing in his eyes. Frost started creeping across the windows of the lab, crackling.

"When that happens speedy, you better watch out. Caitlin's always had a temper, but I've got the shorter fuse. I can guarantee sparks are gonna fly when she gets mad." Frost reached out and put one finger against his chest. "We won't take kindly to being ignored and treated like we don't exist."

A jet of freezing air pushed him back and out of the med lab, propelling him across the cortex. Frost waved her hand and slammed the door to her lab shut, covering it in ice to keep people out. Realistically she knew that it wouldn't keep Barry or Nora out, but it did give her a few moments to compose herself.

"Sorry Caity, I lost my temper with Barry."

"It's ok Frost. You didn't do any permanent damage and the ice will thaw soon."

From the other side of the ice she could hear Iris calling for someone to break down the barrier, voice getting more agitated by the minute. Next a swirling blue portal opened and she could hear Cisco's distorted voice,

"Stay here, I've got this."

Cisco stepped through the portal and before it could close Barry slipped in behind him. Behind them you could hear Iris banging on the ice. Waving a hand she thickened the ice, drowning out the noise. Cisco sighed.

"You knew it would eventually come to this Caitlin." The long haired meta said as he hopped onto one of the gurneys. "You have to tell Barry what's going on."

"Fine." Caitlin and Frost said together. "We're merging. I'm soon going to be the only one here. Killer Frost is being assimilated into me. I am gaining her powers and personality while she is fading away. But I already told you that part."

Icy fog erupted from Caitlin's hand, but she didn't transform. Cisco watched passively as Barry looked on with a troubled look on his face. He looked concerned and guilty, shifting on his feet uncomfortably.

"That's just one thing that is changing." Caitlin continued, honestly wanting an answer to her question. "I also want to know why Iris is the one calling the shots around here. In the past it was a team effort; we all knew our jobs and knew what we had to do. We still know all those things, yet now Iris is barking orders like a drill sergeant. Last time I checked, she didn't have any powers."

"When you left and when Barry went into the Speed Force, I was lost. There was no one here to pull the team back together. Iris was able to keep a level head." Cisco replied, turning his Vibe goggles over and over in his hands. "Now it just seems like habit to let her continue, to keep the status quo."

"Fine, I can accept that. Even though it's like she's beating a dead horse thinking we don't know what to do." Killer Frost sneered, coming to the surface briefly.

"What do you have against Iris?" Barry asked, crossing his arms and leaning against a table.

"I'm not the only one that is having issues with her, I'm just the one with the balls to say it." Frost shrugged. "She's pushy and rude. She has no scientific background; she's a journalist, and not a very good one at that. She also walks all over you and Nora. I thought Amunet was a diva, but Iris takes the cake."

Cisco let out a low whistle as Barry stood tall and lightning crackled. Frost laughed and continued,

"You, Barry Allen, are so blinded by one person that you failed to see what was going on around you. Cisco's powers have been damaged thanks to Cicada; hands bleeding and getting dangerous migraines in helping Caitlin discover the truth about our dad."

"Is that true Cisco?" Barry turned his attention to the other man in the room. "Your powers have been damaged?"

"Yeah, but Caitlin and I have been working on a way to restore them."

"We think that once we can get out hands on Cicada's weapon, we will be able to reverse engineer a cure to restore his powers." Caitlin returned to the surface, needing to do this on her own. Killer Frost nodded and stepped back, letting the other woman take control.

"Why didn't you guys tell me any of this?" Barry demanded and Caitlin rolled her eyes at Cisco.

"Would it have mattered?" Caitlin asked honestly. "At the end of the day, you can say we're family and we protect each other until the end; but the end came over a year ago. You went into the Speed Force and everything changed."

"I did what I had to do to protect the ones I love." Barry nearly shouted. Caitlin wondered if they hit a nerve.

"We get that man, we really do." Cisco stood and held out his hands to Caitlin. It was time to change the bandages; blood had soaked through yet again.

"When you came out of the Speed Force, you were different. We can't even really put it into words, but it was almost like you're phoning everything in. Your body may be here, but your mind isn't." Caitlin worked quickly to swap out the bandages as Cisco spoke.

"We understand that you are happy to be home and to have your life back on track, but in marrying Iris, you abandoned us." Caitlin spoke softly. "She's your entire focus now, and that doesn't leave room for friends. That's why we haven't told you anything. You would go through the motions of helping us, but you really wouldn't care."

"You really think that I don't care about you guys anymore?" Barry asked hurt. Both metas nodded. Caitlin waved her hand and the ice melted away from the door. Immediately Iris burst in.

"What's going on in here?" She railed. "I am part of this team too and there shouldn't be any secrets."

"Not now Iris." Barry sighed but Caitlin knew that it wouldn't work.

"No. Right now. Caitlin goes all Killer Frost on you, and then you and Cisco vibe into here without any back up. What if she went crazy and killed you?"

"Please, don't make me laugh." Killer Frost interjected. "Can't the real Team Flash have a private conversation without you butting in?"

"You better watch out. I don't care if you are in Caitlin's body. One more remark like that and I'm going to shoot you." Iris sneered, and Barry freaked out.

"Iris! That's not something to joke about." Cisco slid closer to Caitlin, ready to Vibe her out at a moments notice.

"I'm not joking!" Iris waved her hands about. "I'm sick of the snide remarks and unfriendly temper. If Killer Frost is going to be on my team, she needs to get over herself."

"Your team?" Barry echoed, shocked. Caitlin watched as the sweet, fun loving Barry morphed into something resembling Savitar, if only for a few moments.

"This is a group effort Iris. No one person calls the shots around here. We all know our jobs and how to do them. We let you 'lead' only because you can't go out in the field with us." Barry turned to look at Caitlin and Cisco.

"The two of you also need to respect Iris as my wife. We are friends, but I will choose my wife over either one of you if I have to." Barry then led Iris out of the room, leaving the other two speechless.

"About time he grew a pair." Killer Frost muttered, making Cisco snort with laughter. Caitlin wasn't so sure; something still seemed off about those two.

* * *

After that, things almost seemed back to normal. Iris still called the shots, but more often than not other members of the team spoke up and were able to voice opinions. Barry also began paying more attention to his friends, and he and Cisco even resumed their weekly pool game in the rec room at S.T.A.R. Sometimes even Ralph and Joe would join in, Sherloque saying it wouldn't be fair for him to play since he was the smartest man in the room. Nora and Iris were getting along better now, building on a mother daughter relationship that at one time was non existent.

For Caitlin, though, nothing changed. She was still left alone more often than not, and it made her grow colder towards the people she was supposed to care about. No longer was just her personality cold, her heart was turning cold too. Killer Frost was right; they could only rely on each other and no one else. One day Barry dropped by her lab and was surprised by what he saw.

The whole room was covered in ice several inches thick, glistening in the overhead light. Snow fell softly from the ceiling to pile up in the floor. It was the middle of May yet inside it was the depths of winter. Slowly he entered the lab, looking for the his doctor. When he found her, he was shocked. Caitlin sat in a corner, balled up, head on her knees, rocking back and forth.

"Caitlin?"

"Go away Barry." She didn't want him to see her like this, to see her out of control. Killer Frost had finished merging with her the night before, and now Caitlin was struggling to control her powers. She was frightened and desperate to find an answer.

"What happened?" She felt him kneel next to her, and everything in her cried out to be held close to his heat. Crying frozen teardrops she looked up and met his eyes.

"Killer Frost is gone for good this time, and I can't control my powers." Barry reached out to help her up, but she scrambled away.

"No, don't touch me! I don't want to hurt you." Fear was thick in her throat.

"Caitlin." Barry held out his hand. "I'm the only person you can't hurt. My powers can eventually negate yours. Let me help you."

Wary Caitlin stared at Barry, trying to gauge the truth in his eyes. Something passed between them, crystalizing the moment for her. It reminded her of the first days she worked with Barry, back when she was nursing a crush on him and he was unattached and sending vibes her way that he might like her in return. Knowing it was fruitless but needing to hope, Caitlin reached out and took Barry's hand. Immediately he started vibrating it, holding her freezing powers at bay.

"We need to get a pair of power dampening cuffs on you." Barry let go of her and flashed to Cisco's lab, returning moments later. Quicker than she could blink Barry had the cuffs around Caitlin's wrists. Slowly the updated meta tech was able to suppress her powers, the room around them beginning to thaw.

"I wish Harry was here, he would be able to think of something to help." Caitlin muttered as she watched her skin tone warm back to normal, the pale iciness fading away. Soon she looked like Caitlin Snow again, except for her blue eyes. They were sapphire dark, not too much different than her regular brown eyes.

"Let's go to the cortex. Cisco can Vibe him from there and see if there is any way he can come over to check on you." Barry wrapped an arm around her shoulders, and Caitlin leaned into him gratefully. She was a little unsteady on her feet at that moment. Slowly they made their way to the main room where everyone else was gathered.

"Caitlin?" Cisco asked rushing over to them, chair in front of him for her to sit down in. "It finally happened, didn't it?"

"Did what happen?" Iris demanded making Cisco roll his eyes. Barry saw and frowned at him.

"Killer Frost merged with Dr. Snow." Sherloque filled in. "It is my deduction that Caitlin lost control of her cold powers."

"So no more Killer Frost?" Ralph asked while Iris smirked. It took everything Caitlin had to not jump up and slap her in the face.

"No, just me now." Caitlin replied and then couldn't help but add. "Don't look so excited that I'm still safe. After all, how important can a medically trained professional be?"

"Ok, that was all Killer Frost 'tude right there." Cisco laughed. "Glad she's still able to shine through with your new psyche."

"Cisco, can you contact Earth-2 and see if Harry can hop over? Caitlin thinks he may be able to help her control her powers." Barry asked, rubbing his hands over Caitlin's shoulders. It was a very lovely sensation, and the most Barry had touched her in years. Caitlin closed her eyes to savor the feeling while it lasted.

"Sure thing. Let me get my extrapolator." Cisco dashed off to his lab, tennis shoes squeaking on the floor.

"So no more white hair and blue eyes?" Ralph asked. Caitlin opened her eyes to look at him, to show him the change.

"Ok, so the blue eyes are still a thing."

"When I found her in her lab, she looked like Killer Frost, but sounded like herself. Once I put the cuffs on her, Caitlin looked like herself again." Barry supplied. His hands had moved to hers, trying to get some warmth back into her fingers. Caitlin didn't have to look at Iris to know the woman wasn't happy that Barry was being so attentive to her. Suddenly it made sense.

Iris was jealous of her! She only ever really looked like that whenever Barry wasn't paying attention to her. Caitlin had even caught her looking at Nora the same way several times in the past few months. That part was odd though, Nora is his daughter, not a potential love interest. Stupid Iris, she should have nothing to worry about. Barry's been stuck on her his whole life. Caitlin would bet his dick wouldn't even stand up for anyone else. It took all her willpower to not snort at that thought, a leftover from Killer Frost. Luckily she was saved by Cisco yet again.

"I got a hold of Harry, he should be over in a few minutes." Cisco knelt before Caitlin, moving Barry out of the way in the process. "Give me your hands; maybe I can Vibe some info from you that we can give Harry."

Caitlin complied and felt a jolt of power surge through her, tingling under her skin. Several minutes passed as Cisco concentrated. Suddenly he let go and tumbled backwards, nose bleeding. Immediately Caitlin was up and pressing a cloth to his nose, tilting his head back. Barry reached for his hands and Caitlin saw that the bandages were bloody agin, but not soaked through like before. Progress.

"Someone finally knock some sense into Ramone?" Harry's dry voice cut across the room and Caitlin had to laugh.

"It's a long story Harry, but it's good to have you back."

Caitlin was thrilled to see the prickly man. Yes, technically Sherloque was a Wells, but he just wasn't the Wells they really needed. They needed Harrison 'Harry' Wells. Already the atmosphere felt better at having a genius in the house.

* * *

Over the next two days Harry and Caitlin worked on her powers, learning the extent of them. Along with the help of Cisco, they came up with a way to control her powers better. It was similar to the snowflake pendant that Julian and Cisco made, but all it did was dampen her powers just enough for them to not take control. There was a manual button on the round disk of silver in the back to turn the device on and off. Her powers were actually what kept the device running, not needing a battery to charge it.

Cisco had seen a glimpse of it in his Vibe, so he knew the basics of what it would do. It was like a storage device, using the excess power bleeding from Caitlin to power the pendant. He had also seen that Caitlin would eventually be able to control her powers. It would just take training, which every meta had to do in order to learn what their abilities are.

"The best way for you to train is for you to go up against the strongest meta we have here." Cisco told the group as Caitlin joined them in her new suit he had made for her.

Dark sapphire leather covered her from neck to toe, similar in color to the outfit Savitar had gotten her all those years ago. Boots wrapped around her heet and halfway up her calves, with a subtle wedge heel built in. Lighter blue piping accented the edges of the suit. On her chest she wore her own crest, the sharp snowflake design that Savitar had designed for her. Silver shined against the dark of her suit, riding on a field of light blue. Her hands were gloveless to not interfere with her powers. Covering her face was a mask similar to Nora's. Between that and the fact that she transformed when she used her powers, Caitlin knew her identity would be safe.

"Who?" Caitlin asked looking around. Barry, Nora and Cisco were all suited up for this training session as well.

"Me." Barry took a step forward with a grin on his face. Caitlin tilted her head to the side when she saw Iris frown. She still couldn't figure out what was going on with the two of them.

"Are you sure about that?" Caitlin called up her powers, ready to see what damage she could do. "From what I can tell, I'm the strongest one here."

"We'll see Frost." Cisco opened a breach to the speed lab, and jumped through. Caitlin followed suit as Barry and Nora zipped away.

The speed lab was lit up when Caitlin arrived with Cisco, and immediately she was on her toes. Clenching her right fist a long ice sword sprouted from her arm, nearly reaching the ground. Her other hand she left free for offensive blasts. Frost figured there would be three against one during these exercises, and Caitlin wasn't disappointed.

Light flickered in the corner of her eye. Immediately she dropped to her knees and shot a dagger of ice in the direction the light came from. Cisco threw up a mini portal to catch the projectile before it impaled him. Nora tried taking the opportunity to get in a punch, but Caitlin was ready. A thick shield of ice popped up in front of the girl, and Caitlin cringed when she heard the crunch of bone.

"Time out!" Caitlin shouted, melting the ice around her away. "Nora's hurt."

Barry immediately flashed to his daughters side as Caitlin cradled the other woman's hand. Cisco sprinted over to join them. Over the intercom they heard Iris ask,

"What's going on down there?"

"Caitlin threw up an ice shield and Nora hit it with her fist full speed." Barry answered as Caitlin examined Nora's hand. "She'll be ok, but it's gonna be a few hours before she's healed up."

"Cisco, can you get the stabilizer from my lab? The one we used on Barry after his first speed test? Caitlin was gently straightening out Nora's broken fingers, using whispers of her ice powers to numb the pain. Light flashed and the device was being held out to her.

"This is gonna hurt Nora, but I'll go as fast as I can. Ok honey?" Caitlin's blue eyes looked into Nora's dark brown ones. The younger woman took a deep breath and nodded. Barry wrapped his arms around Nora's shoulders, pinning her to him. With quick movements, the wrist piece was snapped in place, followed by each flange joint. Screws and pins were tensioned, pulling Nora's fingers into the proper positions to heal.

"I am so sorry Nora, I never meant to hurt you." Caitlin felt terrible.

"Don't worry Aunt Caitlin, I heal fast just like my dad, remember?" Nora smiled at her, wincing in pain when the stabilizer pulled on her bones. "I think I'll go back up the cortex and watch from there."

With a woosh, it was just the OG Team Flash left in the speed lab. Raising an eyebrow Cisco looked at Barry who nodded and immediately Caitlin was on guard. She had a bad feeling about this. Her sword reformed quickly as she took a step back from the two men in front of her. Barry was gone, and Caitlin felt him zip behind her, tugging at her white hair playfully.

"Tag, you're it." Barry's voice was distorted by his speed. Cisco raced off to find a defensible position.

"I'll have you know, Killer Frost was able to take out the Time Wraith of Hunter Zoloman. I should be able to take the two of you down no problem." Caitlin called out, tense and ready to attack when the boys showed themselves.

Caitlin felt the air vibrate to her right, and she swung her arm up, deflecting Barry's hand. She pirouetted, and shot a blast of cold mist at Barry. He managed to escape, but the back left side of his suit got frosted. She heard a rumble of a breach behind her, and she quickly side stepped, making Cisco tumble out of the portal and land at her feet. Quickly she tagged his feet, freezing him to the ground. With a quirk of a grin Caitlin raised her free fist, pulling a cage of ice up and around the breacher. Cisco grunted and crossed his arms, stuck in time out.

"Impressive, but can you even catch me?" Barry called, flashing around her faster and faster, making her dizzy.

Taking a deep breath Caitlin closed her eyes, listening and feeling. Suddenly she was inspired. Laughing she raised her right foot and stomped on the floor. Ice burst from her foot, racing to coat the floor and walls of the speed lab. This also caused the tempare to drop several dozen degrees as well. Cisco was shivering on the floor as Barry slipped on the traction free surface, skidding into the cage the breacher was in. Caitlin stalked closer to them, having to quickly create a shield of ice in front of her as Barry shot lightning at her. Cisco joined in, shooting vibe blasts at her.

"Come on guys, I know you can do better than that." Caitlin chided. "There are several ways you can melt the ice, you just need to use your heads."

Barry reached over and wrapped his hands around the icy bars of Cisco's cage, vibrating. The ice shattered with little effort. Next he moved to the ice encasing his friends feet. Once Cisco was free Barry looked around at the sheet of ice they sat on. Caitlin stood still, wanting to see if Barry would do what she thought he would. It was a trick Savitar had shown Killer Frost, and now that she had been absorbed into Caitlin, the woman had all of her memories as well as her powers.

Barry took a deep breath and laid his hands on the floor. The room began to vibrate subtly, and Caitlin knew he had figured it out. He was slowly melting the ice she had coated the room in. Granted, Caitlin could generate the ice faster than he could melt it, but she didn't. After all, this was just a training session, not a real battle. Once the ice was melted the other two metas stood up.

"Not bad Frost." Cisco nodded. "I'd call it a tie."

"Yeah, you did good Caitlin." Barry grinned at her, pulling his cowl off. Her heart gave a small flutter; it had been far too long since she had received a smile from Barry Allen.

"Thanks, but that wasn't even half of my power being used." Caitlin shrugged. "I can feel that there is more power in me than I ever imagined. It's overwhelming almost, but thrilling at the same time."

"Now don't you go turning into a power crazed woman that we have to lock in the pipeline again." Cisco scolded and Caitlin smiled.

"I won't Cisco. I'll just go somewhere and vent my powers where I can't hurt anyone."

"Where? The North Pole?" Barry teased and Caitlin nodded.

"Exactly. That's why I can understand the reasoning as to why my dad locked himself away like he did." Caitlin replied as they left the speed lab.

* * *

The next few weeks followed the same pattern. A few hours of training during the day and patrolling the city at night. Sometimes everyone trained, other days it was just Barry and Caitlin one on one. Those training sessions were intense, Caitlin knowing she could really let loose. It was the most fun she'd had in a long time. Each day she got better control of her powers, her reflexes becoming sharper, her responses becoming secondary nature to her. The more she trained the less she had to think about what she was going to do. More than once the two of them ended up sitting side by side after training, just talking and relaxing with each other, neither one wanting to leave the bubble they were in. One afternoon, after training, things hit the fan.

"Barry," Iris echoed over the intercom. "If you're done having fun, will you please come upstairs?"

"Uh, oh. That doesn't sound good." Caitlin muttered to Barry with a chuckle. "You better go, the queen calls."

"Haha, very funny." Barry zipped away as Caitlin followed at a more realistic pace.

Power thrummed through her veins, cold but completely in control. She walked taller now, more confident in herself and her abilities. Upstairs she walked past the lounge on her way back to the cortex when she heard raised voices. She knew she shouldn't eavesdrop, but when she heard her name, she had to stop.

"You are spending a lot of time with Caitlin these days Barry." Iris stated, tone flat. Caitlin rolled her eyes and stepped back into the shadows, wanting to hear the conversation.

"It's not just Caitlin, I'm spending it with Nora and Cisco too. Having training like this helps them learn what they can and can't do as well as how to work together as a team." Barry replied.

"Yes, but when training is over you still hang around with Caitlin while Nora and I head home for the night." Seemed like a legitimate concern to Caitlin. You want your husband home in the evenings. However, when your husband and daughter are responsible for protecting the city you live in, you're going to need to learn how to be flexible.

"Iris, what is with you?" Barry sighed. "I failed Caitlin countless times in the past few years. She is one of my best friends and I'm trying to make up for that now. I should have been there to help her with her powers, but I was so wrapped up in us that I forgot that my friends are important too."

"I don't care Barry. I am your WIFE. I am more important than anyone else in this building."

Caitlin raised an eyebrow at that, her hands curling into fists, ready to knock some sense into the dense woman. She had always known that Iris was demanding, but she never realized how she liked to be the diva at the center of attention. Narcissism at its finest.

"What about Nora?" Barry asked, voice calm and tight. Sharp as a knife. "Isn't our daughter important too?"

"Yeah, but -"

"No buts Iris." Barry was getting angry now. Caitlin had a brief flashback to when Bivlo whammied Barry with his angry eyes and Barry went all berzerk.

"Yes, you are my wife and I love you very much, but you are not the only person in my life that I care for. Nora is our daughter and is just as important as you. Caitlin and Cisco have been by my side in this since day one and they deserve to be respected. Then there's Joe, Cecil, Jenna, and everyone else who has helped us." He sighed and Iris huffed but didn't say a word.

"You know that I have a responsibility, and that it will take up a lot of my time with you. I thought you accepted this when you married me."

"It's hard when I don't have your full attention." Iris ranted. "Even at home, your mind is still here, with them. You should be able to shut it off and relax, but no, the minute S.T.A.R. calls you go running off. That's why I am the team leader, to get you to pay attention to me."

"Wow." Caitlin thought so too. Bossy bitch much.

"I don't even know how to react to that Iris. I've always know you like to be the center of attention, but this is far beyond anything I expected. You need to grow up Iris; there are times when you will not be my main focus and you need to be okay with that."

Barry sounded conflicted, and Caitlin wanted to go to him and comfort him, but that wasn't her job. It was the job of the woman who was riling him up right now. Caitlin may not have been married long, but she knew that you didn't just rip into the person you love like Iris is now. It was understandable to want to have your partners attention, and yet you also need to let go and let them be their own person.

"Well I'm not." Iris basically growled. "You are my husband and you shouldn't be spending your free time with anyone but me and our family."

Caitlin could almost hear Barry screaming internally. As it was his body was vibrating enough for even her senses to pick up on it. Caitlin also knew if she rolled her eyes any harder, they'd pop out of her head. Poor Barry, Caitlin wondered if he had any idea how messed up Iris was. Did he know and just decide to ignore it and hope it would go away? Or was it somehow a type of PTSD from having to deal with all the crap that came along with being a hero?

"I can't do this now Iris." Barry sighed. "Go ahead and go home. I'll check on Nora and see how her hand is healing and then I'll be home."

"Fine, but I'm not done yet." High heels clipped smartly down the hallway, fading the further away she got.

Biting her lip Caitlin slipped further into the shadows and then she was gone, silently going the long way back to the cortex and her lab. It wasn't any of her business what happened between the two of them. So why did she stay and listen? Self punishment she assumed. Her penance for loving a man she could never have.

* * *

Caitlin decided to ignore what she had heard that evening in the hallway, not wanting to cause any more waves than she already was with her rapidly developing powers. Weeks went by and she did her best to ignore Barry and Iris together. Instead she focused on her training and her medical research, getting information gathered and sourced so she could publish her findings on cryokinesis and how the applications could be used in medicine. She didn't want what happened to her and her father happen to anyone else, but she also knew that the techniques could save lives.

One day though, things became unavoidable. It started simple enough, everyone was in the cortex monitoring the city while working at their respective stations. It was a typical slow day when suddenly Caitlin sneezed. Power leaked out of her, and in a wave, the whole cortex was covered in snow. Slowly she turned from her console and saw that the others were digging their way out from under nearly a foot of snow. Inside. In September.

"Really Caitlin? I thought you had control of your powers?" Iris accused, wiping handfuls of snow off the center console. "Thanks to you, I just lost the article I was about to post."

"I'm sorry?" Caitlin didn't know why she felt the need to apologize to Iris, but she did it anyways.

"You better be." Iris huffed angrily. "That was my piece on Barry's latest mission."

"Chill Iris, it's not like Caitlin did it on purpose." Cisco defended his friend, tromping through the snow to stand next to Caitlin.

"I don't care. She should have better control of her powers than that." Caitlin saw red. Angrily she shot up from her desk, her hair bleaching and her eyes glowing.

"What the fuck is your problem with me Iris?" Caitlin's voice rang with power and ice. "You've been on my back since before we got Barry back from the Speed Force."

"You gave up on us the night you sided with Savitar, you know, the man who wanted to kill me."

"That wasn't me. I wasn't in control. Killer Frost took over when I died and Julian removed the dampener. Other that Killer Frost's memories, I don't know anything that happened during those weeks and months."

"Sure, blame it on your alter ego." The dark skinned woman sneered as Caitlin stalked closer. "It's just an easy out for you since it let you have the one thing you can't have."

Caitlin had no clue what Iris was talking about. She did see though how Ralph and Sherloque were holding Barry back just inside the entrance of the cortex behind Iris, Nora at his side. Seemed like everyone wanted to hear what Iris had to say.

"What on earth are you talking about?" Ice began to build around Caitlin's right fist.

"Barry." Iris stated smugly. "You couldn't have him so you went with the next best thing."

Caitlin was floored, and by the look on Barry's face, so was he. Caitlin relaxed her fist, vanishing any and all traces of snow and ice. Her hair returned to brown and her eyes stopped glowing. She literally felt like the world had tipped under her feet. The cold woman was frozen in place as Barry stepped up beside Iris with a small laugh.

"Really Iris?" Barry sounded confused. "You think Caitlin has a thing for me?"

"I know it. Ever since you woke up from your coma she's been all over you. She's probably seen just as much of you as I have. I know when a woman is in love, and she loves you. Doesn't matter though, you and I are destined to be together. No matter who or what gets in our way." Iris was looking like the cat who ate the canary.

"Of course Caitlin has seen a lot of me; she's my doctor. She's had to patch me up time and time over the years, but there's nothing to it. Besides, if she had a thing for me, then why did she marry Ronnie?" Barry waved his hand at Caitlin, not noticing her flinch at his name.

"Or what about Jay? She was in love with Zoloman when he was lying to us. Then there was Julian."

"Each one just a replacement for you. Once Savitar came along, Caitlin had a version of you she could have to herself."

Everyone just stared at Caitlin, waiting for her to say something. In the past old Caitlin would have wanted nothing more than to run and hide, but the Caitlin she is now doesn't back down so easily. Taking a deep breath Caitlin began,

"You really aren't a nice person Iris. The more I come to know you, the more I wonder what it is that Barry even sees in you other than he's had a crush on you his entire life. Pathetic, and not what a real marriage should be based on."

"You're one to talk, your husband is dead." Iris was such a bitch.

"By his own choice, in order to save you and everyone else in this city. Ronnie died twice, both times protecting those he cares about. We didn't have the luxury of time to work out how to be married."

"Still doesn't explain the way you look at my husband." Iris crossed her arms. Barry was switching his attention between the two women, trying to figure out what the hell was going on. Caitlin laughed before stepping up to the main console, directly across the desk from Iris.

"Like the way you look at Oliver Queen? All starry eyed and drooly? No." Caitlin shook her head with sad smile. "I admire Barry for who he is and what he does to save this city. I've seen him at his worst and I've seen him at his best."

"I'm not going to deny that Barry is attractive to look at, but if you read anything into my expression, it's really none of your business. Barry has his happy ever after, even if he married the wicked witch of the west."

With that Caitlin turned on her heel and walked calmly away. As she turned the corner to the hallway outside the cortex she called back,

"Don't come looking for me. I'll be back when I've had a chance to cool off."

* * *

The stars at night were beautiful, especially when you get away from the city. That's just what Caitlin did. After leaving the lab, she iced her way to the outskirts of Central City, settling on the roof of a barn owned by a nice couple she knew from her childhood. She knew out here she wouldn't be bothered by anyone. It let her reflect on what had happened earlier. In the end, Iris was jealous like she had predicted, but she never would have dreamed that she would spitefully attack her in front of everyone. Sighing Caitlin closed her eyes, releasing the tension into the night sky, relaxing onto the cold steel beneath her.

The air shifted suddenly and Caitlin knew she wasn't alone.

"Barry, you can't just leave well enough alone can you?" She pitched her voice low so she wouldn't wake the family in the house several hundred feet away. She didn't open her eyes, but she felt him sit down beside her slowly.

"Are you ok?" He asked instead, voice unsure. "What Iris said was uncalled for and mean."

"She told the truth, and that's all we can expect from anyone." Caitlin shrugged her shoulders. "Doesn't really change anything."

"It does change things though Caitlin." Barry insisted. "I'm not sure how, but it does."

Caitlin sighed softly and sat up, opening her eyes to look at him. Like her he was dressed in his suit, hiding their identities. It was odd, just the two of them so far away from S.T.A.R. She pulled her knees up to her chest and rested her chin on them.

"Do you remember what it was like when you first got your powers? When it was just us and Wells?" Caitlin asked softly. "How simple things seemed to be. How black and white everything was?"

"Yeah I do. Caitlin, what Iris said -"

"Is all true." Caitlin replied with a shrug, not looking at Barry, but up at the sky. "I've been in love with you for years, but I also know that you wouldn't ever return those feelings. So I buried them. I went after nearly everyone who wasn't you. Cost me my life in the end and nearly ruined all our lives."

Barry stayed silent, but she could feel him watching her, waiting.

"Yes, the reason Killer Frost sided with Savitar was because he was you. A version of you that saw her, saw us and wanted us. He wasn't the real you, but at that time, I wasn't the real me either. It was hard for me to come back when Cisco asked me to. I really wanted to say no, but in the end, saving you was more important than my sanity and heart."

Barry reached out a hand and gently settled it onto her shoulder, touch warm even through the material of their suits. Caitlin closed her eyes and a tear escaped. She needed to continue, or she would never get this out.

"Watching you and Iris together would make me bitter, and that would cause me to turn control over to Killer Frost. More often than not, during the day when we were working, it would be her in control. Somehow she was able to tap into my psyche and pass herself off as me."

"Caitlin, I don't know what to say." Barry squeezed gently and moved to look her in the eye. "I wish you would have told me sooner."

"It wouldn't have mattered Barry." Caitlin reached out and touched his cheek gently. "Your destiny was written a long time ago, as is mine. I'm meant to be alone, cold and cut off from the world."

"That's no true and Cisco would agree with me. We are your family and we love you. You are a part of our team and we wouldn't be able to function without you." Barry looked desperate, grabbing onto the hand that was cupping his face, pressing her hand closer to him.

"I can't do this without you." God, she wanted to believe that, she really did. Caitlin was a realist though, and she knew he only needed her because she was the only one who could put him back together again. Her shattered frozen heart just fractured even more.

"You won't have to; not for now." Caitlin pulled her hand away, leaving what was left of her heart with him. "One day though, you're going to have to let me go. I can't be like this forever."

"We can re-run the tests and figure out why you lost control of your powers. We -"

"No Barry. One day I'm going to have to walk away before I lose what little bit of my heart is left." Caitlin stood, breaking his hold on her. "For now, we go on as if nothing has changed."

With that she blasted off into the sky, leaving ice and a broken heart in her wake.

* * *

True to her word Caitlin continued as if nothing happened, taking the high road any time Iris tried to bait her.

"He has you, and I am only his doctor."

She deflected whenever Cisco tried to ask her about it.

"It's over and move on. We have a meta to catch."

Or being complete business when Barry addressed her. Everything was precise and condensed, information packed tightly as possible so she wouldn't have to speak to him or be around him more than needed. If she ever saw him frown and look at her sadly, she would just ignore it. She didn't need anymore pain in her life. What she needed to be was numb, cold, focused. She didn't need the team to know that she cried herself to sleep at night on the nights she did sleep. That she wished things had happened different.

In the end, it didn't matter.

* * *

There was a new speedster in town. This one wore white and called himself Godspeed. He proved to be the toughest yet. It was like he was a combination of Thawne and Zoom but with a whole heap of cockiness thrown in. Nothing they did could stop him, but it did seem that he had a thing for Caitlin. Ironic. Another speedster, another obsession. This time though, Caitlin was going to finish the battle for everyone. Caitlin pitched her plan, and it didn't go over well.

The new speedster liked to suck the speed force from other speedsters, but instead of taking their powers, he took their life force as well. Wally had already fallen as had Jay from Earth-2. The speedster from Earth-19 as well as others had fallen. The plan was to inject Caitlin with a doped up version on Velocity-9 and use her as bait. With her cold powers, she was theoretically the only person who could stop a speedster. She would offer herself up and take him out.

"I don't like the thought of you sacrificing yourself Caitlin." Barry told her as she mixed up the drug. "There has to be a better way of doing this."

"I'm with Barry Caitlin, I vibed you and I saw you die." Cisco added, but that was something Caitlin already knew. This was going to be her last battle, the last time she saved the team. There was no coming back from this mission, not for her.

"Guys, the future is always changing." Caitlin brushed aside their worry. "If we don't do this, the whole speed force may collapse due to there not being enough speedsters to spread the power out."

"When has Cisco's visions ever been wrong?" Barry grabbed Caitlin by the shoulders, eyes boring into hers. Apparently he read her thoughts in her eyes because he shook her shoulders.

"Snap out of it Cait, we don't need you flying off the handle."

Cold blue lips smiled as mist fogged around her. Caitlin reached up and injected the serum into her arm. The two men looked on sadly as she blew them a kiss and iced her way out of S.T.A.R. Labs. She refused to look back as they called her name, even as Barry sped along behind her. Just outside S.T.A.R. they were confronted by Godspeed.

"I smell the sweet aroma of a female speedster. Delicious." The gold clad demon caught up with Caitlin, moving faster than her or Barry. Immediately Caitlin pressed her lips to his, sucking his heat and energy out of him even as he sucked the speed force out of her. A whirlwind of lightning and snow surrounded them and distantly she could hear the others shouting her name.

The heat and power from the speedster supercharged her cold abilities, but the power was too much. She was getting so cold that even her own body was beginning to freeze, breaking down. The pain was excruciating as the speed force was sucked out of her body. With one last push he froze the speedster solid, kicking away from him, shattering him. She never hit the ground though.

Barry, tears streaming down his face, caught her and laid her gently on the grass outside the lab. The others quickly gathered around her, gasping at what they saw. Slowly Caitlin was turning into ice, the cells of her body ceasing to contain the cryonic energy in them. Cisco was on her other side, rubbing her hand, trying to warm her up. It was too late though, Caitlin Snow would soon be no more.

"Don't cry." Caitlin whispered. "I'm ready to go."

"But we're not." Cisco demanded. "Take our heat, warm yourself."

"Nothing can save me now." Caitlin looked at them all. Ralph, Iris, Sherloque, Nora, Barry. The ice inched up further, her legs now completely gone.

"We love you, Caitlin." Barry sobbed. "We will figure something out."

"No Barry. Live your life. Forget about me." The ice was creeping up her chest now, bring with it a cold peace that settled the rage she felt in her heart at not being able to get her happy ever after. It was then that she said the final truth.

"I love you Barry Allen."

After that, her corpse was frozen solid and her life was extinguished. Caitlin Snow was gone.


End file.
